An Idea Better than Labeling Calories

Our federal government has become calorie conscious, requiring that fast food menus include the number of calories per item. If you have been to McDonald’s recently, you have seen the outcome of this USFDA initiative via the numbers attached to a Big Mac, Quarter Pounder, etc.

Though I’m not sure how effective this program is in getting people to eat less, the objective is good. Too many calories, especially empty calories, can create a plethora of health problems.

Since the government is concerned for our physical well-being, and is taking action to guard us from ill-advised intake, it has dawned on me that perhaps the government should take action regarding the more profound problems of its citizenry and pass initiatives that might help. I am suggesting that the government take a more active role in the well-being of American souls.

I am thinking of an initiative parallel to the labeling of menus with the number of calories. Only for the soul the concern would be the carnal content of television entertainment, movies, video games, and music. Rather than listing calories, for this type of input a new measure might be developed called carnalories. As the name suggests, carnalories would be a measure of the carnal content of these various media. For example, a television show with suggestive language and sensual scenes might be rated with 3500 carnalories, over a day’s supply, which would make it inadvisable to view under any circumstance. Sports events with suggestive cheerleaders and commercials might come in at 1000 carnalories. Cursing and gutter talk would be calculated in the ratings. Likewise with violence. Other means of promoting immorality such as negative attitudes toward standards of decency will also increase the carnalories content. Of course, in today’s world, the total of the daily carnalories account would need to include input children receive in school that would contribute to the carnality. Movies that included nudity would not be assigned a carnalories account but would merely be labeled, “The content of this movie is not fit for human consumption.”

Everyone would be assigned a recommended carnalories daily maximum, with children of course being assessed at lower levels of allowed carnalories. No one would be allowed to roll over unused carnalories to the next day because, as with diabetics and sugar, this could lead to carnalories overload, sending the individual into moral and spiritual shock.

Our culture would make it difficult to go through a day without some carnalories intake. However, the goal would be to minimize carnalories to the greatest extent possible. The concern would be with those going over their limit on a regular basis, which would result in carnality fat and ultimately carnality obesity.

As with physical obesity, this condition would undoubtedly produce moral and spiritual health issues. Of course, this condition would invariably lead to spiritual problems, which would ultimately produce behavioral, emotional, and relational difficulties. Therefore, excessive carnalories should be assiduously avoided.

However, in cases where persons were careless or undisciplined or perhaps just found themselves caught in a high-carnalorie situation, some treatment plan would need to be developed. We might take a page out of Al Gore’s playbook and encourage people whose carnalorie footprint got too large to earn carnalories credits by such activities as Bible reading, prayer, and church attendance. These will have a cathartic effect, cleansing away extra carnalories. However, as with exercise that requires lots of work to shed one pound, such activities would not provide a quick fix, but instead would demand extensive application to rid the person in carnalories overload of the excess.

Coupled with the carnalorie credit plan might be a carnalories diet program such as a one-week television, movies, video game, and music fast. This would need to be done with care since it has been reported that some teenagers and even adults have not survived this treatment program.

I would encourage each of you to contact Michelle Obama, who has expressed deep concern regarding calorie intake of students, since it would only seem logical that she would also be concerned about these deeper issues. She has many contacts in Hollywood and other carnalorie-producing segments of American society, so hopefully we will see a federal program in place that will lead to a much more spiritually healthy and fit American population.

One comment on “An Idea Better than Labeling Calories
  1. Thomas says:

    Hmmm, I’m almost assuming that this article contained a wee bit of tongue-in-cheek. But I know better.

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